Bugs that live in the shower are aware of the inherent danger. Just like people in Florida are aware of hurricaines, people in LA are aware of scooter earthquakes, and people in DC are aware of the random buy me a scooter exploding man-hole covers.

So I don't feel so bad about watching the ant drown. Actually I heard from the Orkin commercial that ants can survive for like a week underwater, so it's probably down there in the pipes plotting it's scooter revenge. Don't get me wrong, it did tug at my heartstrings a little to see its six flailing legs desperately search for something to grip on before it mets it's drain-o-doom. You want to buy me a scooter. It had to be done, for the greater good of the quest to get Meegs to work ON TIME!!! scooter Crap, what am I doing sitting here writing to you? I have to go!

-This post has been sponsored by Vespa

What if the whole world travelled by improv scooter? What an adventure life would be.

It picked up on improv shows. That's a good thing I guess.
IMPROVISATION on SCOOTERS!
c'mon!
Improv scooters!

I should get a Stella scooter in red to match my shoes and my purse. 

This is the scooter I want:
http://www.genuinescooters.com/scooters.html

My little "sellout boxes" to the left are supposedly attuned to what I'm writing and will change accordingly. Like little Chameleons of Capitalism.

Lets see if we can get them to pick up on scooters. Vespa vespa vespa. Stella stella stella.

Scooters are way cool. Zooooooom!!!

Do you ever feel like your ears are full and your brain is drowning and your heart is racing because your brain can't breathe and you think you are going to die?


.. um neither do I...

I was just making conversation.

I'm tired. I don't understand why I don't sleep well at night. Whenever I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour I just lay there and feel uncomfortable. It's starting to affect my work. I slept through my alarm again today. I've tried lots of different things to get to sleep earlier. Music, TV, silence, darkness, light, reading, drugs, other drugs, and no matter what time I hit the hay, I just can't seem to wake up before 9am! The only thing that works is when I sleep on the couch and my mom wakes me up with her noisiness getting ready for work, but she HATES it when she finds me on the couch in the morning. I don't know what to do.

My bedroom is in the oldest, darkest corner of the house. I get no light in there in the morning. It's like sleeping in a cave. So I hibernate... and therefore am perpetually late for work.

On special occaisions I set multiple alarms. The first alarm goes off and my whole body hurts, like I got into a fight in my dreams and somebody kicked the crap out of me. So I stretch and yawn and rub my aching muscles and hit the snooze. The second alarm goes off and I get startled out of a really good dream... so I shut it off and try to remember the details of the dream so I can write it down. Then of course I am unconcious again then the emergency THIRD alarm goes off and I yell, "Holy CRAP!" and fall out of the bed onto the floor and search for my glasses and pants. Then I feel my hair to see if it needs a washin and ponder one of life's greater debates... is it more important to be punctual or hygenic?

I wish I could be both.

I wish I could show up on-time AND clean on a regular basis. How do people do it? I don't understand.

Maybe I should setup a hidden camera in my room so I can see who is pummeling the snot out of me while I sleep. Maybe it's time to fight back?

This is me, Jason, Danielle, and Kristin after the wacky casting call at the ESPN Zone in Baltimore. If you didn't make it to the call and you want to be in the movie go to www.carlyndavis.com for info on how to mail your pic in ASAP!

Friday night I went to see WIT's Neutrino Project with Elise, Meghan, and Melissa. Then we met up with Ariela for some FTG! This is a picture of Elise hearing an unrepeatable story about Meghan's promiscuous friend in Delaware.

In my year of blog review... I noticed that there was a lot of Chicago anticipation but very little Chicago interpretation... or stories.

I will share one:

The Dunkin Donuts Theme Song

On thursday Mel and I took the bus to class because I had hurt my ankle pretty bad earlier in the week. (It was a horrific fat girl on fat girl collision, and I'd rather not revisit it right now thankyouverymuch). As we were walking from North Clark to Wells St, we saw a crazy lady wearing a sandwich board that said "FREE COFFEE" and since we were planning on purchasing coffee at an overpriced national chain coffee establishment in Pipers Alley we thought we'd investigate the "FREE!"

The coffee was being distributed by a Dunkin Donuts inside a gas station convenience store. I ask you... what is more convenient than free coffee? Nothing.

So we asked the Chicago type guys behind the counter, "what do we have to do to get free coffee?" A kid said, "nothing" but the smartass manager said, "you have to sing the song." and we were like, "what song?" "The Dunkin Donuts theme song." he replied with a laugh. hmmm... everybody thinks they're a comedian in Chicago. So although Mel was a bit stumped trying to recall the official Dunkin Donuts theme song... I said... sure. Ready? One Two Three! "Dunkin Donuts is the best... Dunkin Donuts is the best... It's so tasty good and we want to drink your coffee!!!" We sang in semi-unison.

The crazy Chicago donut-guys clapped and gave us the best free coffee we had all week, and told us not to quit our day-jobs just yet.

I guess those improv classes paid off... with tasty goodness.

"I'd like to tell you a little story about a kid named Pants..."-5/6/2004

My blog is almost a year old now, and today I've been looking back at the events and ramblings of the past 11 months thinking... dear god I hope I didn't write anything bad or incriminating because I've just recently discovered that people actually read this.

There's some funny stuff in here. There's also some really embarassing crap too. The moment I make it big on a random reality TV show (hopefully one where I don't have to eat bugs or sing in front of anybody) I'm going to contact a publisher and have them pay me for a "Best of Meegland" tell-all biography.

But that might take a while. So for my one year blogaversary on October 19th I'd like y'all to tell me what was your favorite moment in Meegland? From the first stanza of drunken poetry... to random answers to fake e-ma... mus... fake emus.

Did something make you giggle? cry? laugh? fall out of your chair? crap yourself? disinfect your computer? burn your pants in effigy? then pee on the fire? or look at a thing in a bag?

Let me know.

I... will make a list!

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art

Would you guys be offended if I sold out? I need money and there's a way to ad advertising banners. Would you boycott my blog if I went corporate? Discuss.

We better hurry up and get all this stuff out of our systems while we're still young and stupid... because in a few years we'll just be stupid.

There's an ant on my bathroom ceiling.

I don't have time to write about it now, but it's there.

From the mailbag:

Tomorrow night is hair appointment night. The appointment will be over around 6:15. We are dining at the Village Wharf after that. You are welcome to join us. I hope you can make it.
-lode man

------------------

Thanks LM! The crab soup was outstanding.
Sorry I was late.
-Meegs

From the Mailbag:

Dear Meegs,

I have been reading your blog for quite some time now and have come to the conclusion that you are awesome. Why do you limit your exploits to just Chicago? Have you and your Meegs-Team thought about traveling to more cities and causing havoc? If so, could we please see more of this perhaps in some type Experimental Film? Thank you.

GD, Washington, DC

-----------------

Thanks for the question, Greg. I mean G. I mean yes I'm awesome!

I was pondering a witty response while watching the "Experimental Film" video at Homestarrunner.com, but alas I was distracted by the fact that my watch is stuck on my left wrist. Yes the left wrist is a good place for a watch, but this is a cheap chain-type-jewelry watch from Walmart and the clasp is poking into my major blood vessels... oh wait, never mind I got it off! Where was I?

Yeah... you're all gonna be in my experimental film. Actually that's a lie. Only the women will be in my film because it takes place in a ladies restroom. I wrote out a snippet of the script during my Second City writing class... a "sketch" if you will. Please view http://megan.kelleher.net/Ladies%20Room.doc I would like to apologise in advance to my family for sinking to the level of "potty humor"

As far as causing havoc goes... the Meegs has caused traffic jams, or at least jaywalked in at least 5 major cities this month. You haven't heard about it because all this "havoc" was created under my criminal pseudonym of "The Jackal." Yes the secret is out. I AM The Jaywalking Jackal.

Be good. Look both ways! Observe major traffic signals... sometimes.

Peace Out!
-The Jackal

From Danni:

What I was going to suggest is that for me, vacuum cleaners always seem to work quite well with shall we say - stubborn - spiders who put themselves in a position where it is virtually impossible to hit them with a shoe.

Just a thought.

P.S. It's best if the vacuum cleaner in question has a bag which can be disposed of eventually, as opposed to the new bagless vacuum cleaners in which it would be rather nasty to clean it out later.

Everybody is going back to school... without me. :(

From the Mailbag:

Dear Meegs,

How do you finance your awesome travels? You don't seem to have a paying job at the moment, or any acting/comedy gigs on the horizon. Where does the money come from?

SB, Atlanta

-----------------------------------------
Well Sbat-Lanta since this is a private forum I will share my secret with you. It was kind of a miracle actually.

One day I was checking my email and I got a note from an African prince who's name and country of origin will remain anonymous for legal purposes. Apparently since his country was going nutso he needed a place to stash some cash while he left the continent for a while. He asked that I give him access to my bank account so he could store 500,000 there for a few months and in return he would leave 50,000 in there when he was done. I was pretty excited. 50 Gs just for keeping quiet. Not bad. So I agreed. Now many of you loyal viewers would be worried that this is a scam, but I figured I had nothing to loose since my account was overdrawn anyways.

Turns out it was for real. The next week I deposited my usual $15 paycheck and the balance came back as 500,012. 29! First I took out my contact lenses to get a closer look. Then I went back to the teller and asked for a cashiers check for 500G. If it was a bank error, I figured I'd milk it.

I deposited the check in the bank down the street and then spent the next 3 days transferring the money to banks all over the world. And there you go. By the time the "prince" came back for his money, I was long gone.

Now I'm by no means rich now. This happened several years ago. I spent most of the money on tuition and "Mystery Men" memorabelia. I also invested in a little flick called, "Very Bad Things" which turns out was just an excuse for John Favreau and Christian Slater to blow all my money in Vegas.

My advice to you, SB, is to wait for your parents to get divorced, go a little nutso and hope at least one of them will attempt to buy your love.

Keep on truckin lil camper,
-Meegs

I have listened to the soundtrack to Garden State every day since I bought it in Chicago. I love it SO much. Go see this movie! Especially if you are an actor living at home and trying to figure life out. Or if you have a thing for Zach Braff or Natalie Portman. Or if you liked any of the Wes Anderson movies. Or if you just trust me.

The soundtrack is smooth like Cherry Wine.

My mom invited people over today. I wonder if they will find the spider... or if the spider will find them.

ummmm... I don't feel so good.


... but I don't see any spiders.



... I win!


I think I need to lay down...
... little nappy nap.

OK I need to bite the bullet and take a damn shower. I have to get out of the house. Watching Weekend at Bernie's on Comedy Central is no way to spend a Saturday.

I think I'll spray the bathroom with a yard fogger. They say to only use it outside, but that just means it's extra strong and will do a good job. Watch out spider! Here I come!

Sooo the spider disappeared.



Don't come anywhere near my house. There is a spider somewhere in the house. Running loose. Willy nilly. Maybe in the walls. There's a space between the switchplate and the wall. I'm thinking hoping he went in there.

Something must be done. I really need to take a shower. I stink.

There is a spider in my bathroom. It's hiding against the light switches that don't work. The ones that Michael put scotch tape over so people wouldn't try them by accident. it lives under the scotch tape. I know it's still alive because sometimes it will be under the scotch tape on the top switch, and sometimes it will be under the scotch tape over the middle switch. It is red. Very gross. It has a black body... I thought it was part carpenter ant at first. That's how big it's body is. With EEEEvil red legs. Like a cooked lobster.

It just sits... and waits. I feel like I should get rid of it in case someone comes over to visit and needs to use the bathroom. Everyone goes for those lightswitches first. We always have to say, "pretend you're five years old!" and then people find the actual switch two feet lower on the wall. By the looks of this monstrous thing, it could be poisonous. It IS red afterall. Red means poison.

I checked it's speed and agility by blowing on it, and that sucker is FAST. It has strategically placed itself between the lightswitches and the tape so I don't think I could get it on the first go. I'm afraid that once it knows I'm trying to take it out, it might retaliate in ways unimaginable. That bastard could jump over to the toilet in nanoseconds and then I'm just one bean burrito away from a spider bite of biblical proportions.

For now, I simply acknowledge it as I walk into the room. I tip my hat and it tentatively raises a leg. I brush my teeth with one eye on him all the time. I haven't showered in days. I just don't trust him. A little shampoo in the eye, and snap... besides I don't feel comfortable getting in the shower with it's beady little eyes following me around the room.

I was pondering how to get rid of it. Do you think shave gel would suffocate it? Anything to keep it from jumping at me. I learned my lesson that time I sprayed Deep Woods OFF at that tarantula in the Dominican Republic. It wasn't good.

I don't think he liked getting his picture taken.

The Spider in the Bathroom 

Improv class 

Did you know that people from Belgium speak French, German, and Dutch. These guys prefer French... so do I. 

I really miss these crazy kids... especally that Ted Kazinsky... he's such a nut. 

Tin Man, when can I come back to Chicago? 

Adventures in Chi-Town!

http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=6edps95.8s72lqrl&x=0&y=k1ivw1

"At Second City, I felt like I had twenty-five years of pent-up stuff that finally exploded.
I'd wanted to be an actor since I was five years old. Second City was the first time I'd gotten any substantiation that this was a career I belonged in."

-Alan Arkin

The hostel limits us to 15 minutes on the computer and it's driving me insane. I have so much to say but no time to type it. I love it here. The student shows we saw the other night were so great. We usually watch two shows a night... one professionally scripted and one improv. It's like an all you can eat theatre buffet and Mel and I are stuffing ourselves. I'll talk to you all next week!

Greetings from Chi-town everyone.

Mel and I were giddy as school girls yesterday...maybe because we ARE school girls... as we rode the L into the city. The L is not as clean or spacious as the Metro, but I almost peed myself with excitement when I heard someone playin the blues on a harmonica in the hallway underground as we were transferring trains. Turns out the sound was coming out of a rather tall, rather pale, white man. He seemed like he was in his 60s and looked like he belonged in an accounting firm, not in a Chicago subway tunnel. Ahhh... but the wonderful windy city does not descriminate and who am I to argue? I think it's wonderful that a disgruntled accountant can sit on the floor in a subway tunnel on Sundays with his harmonica and make some spare change as well as entertain the tourists. As long as he declares all his income.

We went to see the Second City Mainstage last night. It was funny. But they crowded all of us students from the workshop into the back of the room like sardines and we could hardly breathe. That's a good way to get to know 20 people you just met. It smelled kinda funny.

Melissa and I did a LOT of walking yesterday. It seems that internet cafes are not as popular as they are in Cuernavaca or South Beach so I don't think I'll be able to update you as often as I would like.

We had lunch at this place that advertised "Italo-Judaic cuisine" Yes, I was curious as well. Apparently that means meatball subs and potato latkes. It was damn good. It was pretty dead in there and the owner asked us what we were doing in town as we paid the bill and we told him about the workshop and he took back the bill and gave us 15% off as SC students and refused to let us tip him in return for us promising to bring our classmates back. Sweet.

Our room at the hostel is modest and clean. We are both really glad we went with the private bathroom just because of the privacy factor. And we are both really glad we came here together because it's a long lonely walk home after the shows at night.

By the way it was really easy to switch flights with Independence Air. I got on the earlier flight with Mel no problem and the girl at the counter even sat us next to each other. We made friends with the flight attendant and he got our autographs "just in case."

OK gotta go. I'm using the one and only computer in a densely populated Hostel and everyone else is starting to wake up.

TTYL!

When I arrive in Chicago it will be one of my first priorities (after naptime) to find a computer and keep you all posted. This is not just for you, I'm also taking a writing class and will most likely need to type something later in the week. If you have any questions or comments about my adventures please send them to megan@kelleher.net .

If you want me to send you a postcard through snailmail email me your address. Except Luci... I found yours hidden in my dayplanner! :)

I imagine that Chicago postcards won't be as exiting or exotic as Bahamas or Acapulco postcards, but I'll try to find something unusual.

Well I'm meeting up with Mel at Dulles in 4 hours. Am I packed? Mostly. I keep forgetting the basic stuff like toothbrush, and shampoo... but I have had the blank audio tapes and sidewalk chalk in my suitcase all day. Why? If you need to ask... you obviously don't know me as well as you thought.

I've decided that good improv is like crack, and I'm willing to do almost anything to get a fix. But we won't talk about that here and now.

I had a really good, yet exhausting day today. You know what? Before I was always given the impression that actors are a bunch of back stabbing, cold hearted, scavengers out to get eachother and win at all costs. But my recent experiences have found this to be untrue. Today I randomly encountered 5 of my fellow actors at various times throughout the day, and I was SO happy to see them, and they seemed genuinely happy to see me as well. I really love my fellow GMU Players Alumni and it makes my day to hear that they are doing well.

I feel like if all the actors in DC were on a reality show, the GMU Players would band together in an alliance to vote everyone else off the island. Then of course when we were the only ones left we would fight each other to the death, but there would still be a sense of pride that one of our own won the bajillion dollars. And maybe the winner would spend a small amount of the prize money on a midnight barbeque at Van Dyck Park. We would dance the night away all bloody and mangled from the fight.

And Michael would play the Djimbe.

Thanks to the GMU CTE Mexico Trip gang for posing. 

This is what being an extra feels like... minus the smiling. 

Actor's Log
Stardate: 8.1.2004
These are the voyages of an underpaid actor.
Our mission is to get as many gigs as possible to generate enough income to pay for the new clutch for my VW Cabrio.

...and I'm a big nerd.

A big nerd who is in a movie with Patrick Stewart!!!

Muah haha

It was pretty exciting on Sunday at the shoot, but the novelty has kind of worn off now. I'm just glad to put a second notch on my list of paid gigs since graduation. I think I'm doing pretty well. Above average maybe.

But anyone who tells you that being an extra is easy money is lying. I mean there was really no brainwork or heavy lifting, but after Sunday I have a vague inkling of what people in prison camps have to go through. Trying to get comfy on concrete during alternating pouring rain and roasting sun, and carrying all my belongings up and down through the bowels of RFK Stadium like a refugee for 12 hours. Being given noisemakers and then told to be quiet all day. Torture.

I'm really glad I ran into some friends there, that made the day a lot more bearable and even fun in parts. Not fun in a hey yeah lets party kind of way, but more like a isn't it ironic that the Union members have to eat their boxed lunches sitting at tables and we get to eat ours picnic style in a dark corner and nap on the damp floor afterwards? Don't they wish they had a damp corner to nap in?

It reminded me of the bus station in Acapulco... I'll see if I can find a pic to illustrate. I didn't take any pictures Sunday... I'm kinda bummed about forgetting my camera. I really wanted to collect photograpic evidence of all my adventures. Now you will just have to take my word for it.