Today I am looking for men fluent (speak, read, & write) in Korean, Japanese, Chinese, and Portugese. Know anyone?

They don't have to speak ALL these languages, just one.

So I'm back in the oficina de casting. I'm kind of "phoning in" the phone calls. Its always so hard to go back to work after a holiday. Especially this time of year.

So I'm almost back on the wagon after a weekend of lonliness and defeat (it sucks being depressed on a holiday weekend when most of your drinking buddies are away). I got a couple of emails from casting people today. Apparently I'll be an extra for an FBI training video in Quantico this weekend. And I have a big audition in Philly for a tv show next week. I'll fill you in on the details if I make it past the first cut. Being disappointed on a regular basis is part of acting... its all in how well you recover. It's all good in da hood.

"Someday somebody else besides me will call me by my stage name"

This is the song that helped get me out of my funk (no I didn't type it out, I copy/pasted from a website):

They call me dr. worm.
Good morning. how are you?
I’m dr. worm.
I’m interested in things.
I’m not a real doctor,But I am a real worm;I am an actual worm.I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.
I think I’m getting good,But I can handle criticism.
I’ll show you what I know,
And you can tell me if you think I’m getting better on the drums.
I’ll leave the front un-locked ’cause I can’tHear the doorbell
When I get into it I can’t tell if you areWatching me twirling the stick.
When I give the signal, my friendRabbi vole will play the solo
Some day somebody else besides me willCall me by my stage name, they willCall me dr worm.Good morning how are you, I’m dr wormI’m interested in things.I’m not a real doctor,But I am a real worm;I am an actual worm.I live like a worm.
I like to play the drums.I think I’m getting good,But I can handle criticism.
I’ll show you what I know,And you can tell me if you think I’m getting better on the drums.I’m not a real doctor,But they call me dr. worm.


Now what the heck does that have to do with Meegs recovering from her world getting turned upside down? I might just leave it to you to solve the mystery... but since I am lonely and bored I will tell you a bit.

First of all the way the song is played is super upbeat. Then the words make me think of a crazy guy who wants to be a rockstar so badly that he is blind to the fact that he's not so good at it. I wonder if maybe I'm not so good at improv. I have moments of being good, but maybe even those moments are not so good. I think I'm getting good, but I can handle criticism. I'll show you what I know and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better at improv.

I just like singing at the top of my lungs that I can handle criticism.

Sometimes I think I'm actually retarded but everyone is just being nice and not telling me. Like when you see someone with a abnormal defect and you try not to stare. When you meet a mentally challenged person, you don't ever tell them they are retarded. So I could BE retarded and nobody would tell me.

Everybody be nice to the retarded girl.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then what is a picture of words worth? Apparently I'm not the funny one. I'll be drinking alone and wallowing in my own filth if anyone needs me. 

This is a picture of the most recent invader of the bathroom. eeew, 

A little peek into what it's like to go off your meds:

Something interesting and noteworthy. Just after that blog about the cricket and how I thought I had been bitten by something, I had a wierd panic attack. I thought I felt poisonous venom shooting up through my leg and into my arm and then my neck got all stiff. So I went looking for benadryl because I figured that would counteract the allergic reaction to the poisonous venom and keep my throat from closing and thus dying.

So I went puttering around the house, and then started searching frantically as I convinced myself that even though it didn't look swollen my foot was definitely numb. So I went upstairs, and of course woke up my mom with all the rummaging for medication. I felt kinda dumb but I told her that I thought I was dying from an insect bite from an invisible insect. So she took my pulse and it was racing. And I showed her my clammy hands. I thought I had a fever but she told me I was cold. I was perspiring between my toes I was so worked up. She asked if I thought my throat was closing up and then of course I did. So she offered to take me to the emergency room. I said not yet, just rub my back. Then I calmed down. But I still felt nauseous and I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. So I laid on her bed for a while and tried to let her get back to sleep but I didn't want to leave because I wanted to be able to wake her up if I started to suffocate. I have a fear of dying alone and nobody finding me... like that guy in Trainspotting who died of Toxoplasmosis.

After a couple hours of not sleeping, I thought it best to resume my normal anxiety attack position of sleeping in the living room with the TV on. The TV distracts me from my own scary thoughts and helps me sleep. So I got like 4 hours of sleep and then everything was fine.

We decided that the initial "insect bite" was actually a pinched nerve from sitting in a wierd position at the computer. That explains the cold feeling going up my leg too. The other stuff was my overactive imagination jumping to conclusions.

But that's not the interesting part.

The WIERD thing is that around the time I was upstairs in my mom's room, someone was breaking into our car. Apparently that night several cars on our block were broken into and one was even stolen. The perpetrators mostly rummaged through the cars looking for money/valuables so for us there was just a bit of a mess to clean up in the driveway. They didn't even touch my car it's such a mess.

So was my anxiety related to the fact that there were people just outside rummaging through our cars? or is it just a coincidence?

I saw a lot of GMU Players last night. It was cool. I miss my theatre family.

So where have I been lately? Well right here mostly, but with very little computer access. Whever I get the urge to type, my mother is chatting online. I have a picture of a friggin huge cricket I found in the famous bathroom of infestation. I'll put it up here as soon as I can find the cable to hook up the camera... I know how much you all enjoy my insect stories. This one had a death by drowning. It was pretty gross. I put the shower head on superpower shiatsu massager. Unfortunately for the cricket the only major pressure point it hit was his tiny brain. Now I think something unseen has bitten my foot as I was typing. It really hurts and itches... Karma's a bitch, aint it?

This is the famous "oh so cute" picture of Karen and Brian 

And now it's time for another game of "Facts are funny"


Question: If my mother is flipping channels in the evening, which television option is her favorite? (Good enough to toss the remote aside.)

a. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
b. So I Married an Axe Murderer
c. VH1 Behind the Music
d. The Hot Chick

Go ahead and guess.








Yes. You were correct. Her movie of choice would be "The Hot Chick." Apparently my mother is a closet Rob Schneider fan. Duece Bigalow, The Animal, you name it.

Ok there is this HUGE distracting ad at the top of the page. I don't know if I can write.

It involves fish. Jumping in and out of a tank and they are very colorful... fishies... funny fishies.


I'm so mad at technology. No matter how improved and state of the art things are, they always break. It's true. Yet another cd player of mine is on it's way down, and my laptop screen is still blank. I really wasn't going to rant about this today but these things have impeded my typing about the stuff that I really care about. I don't even remember what I care about because I've spent most of the weekend de-virusing and de-spywaring my computer and doing disk cleanup and defrags and hunting down random programs that start running for no reason taking over the poor puter. But still the screen is blank. There are a few more things I could try, but I don't really know how to do them and the weekend is over and its back to actor/casting mode which means no time for me.

I've had an interesting couple weeks since I've written but nothing really worth writing home about. No crazy stories... that I care to share anyways... ha ha that sounds a lot more exciting that it is.

My improv show last weekend went great. It was such an ego boost. It is a perfect example of how improv works so much better when you know and trust your team. The improv auditions I have failed miserably at have gone badly because I was nervous, had no idea what to expect, and had no group mindset with the other people in the room. The group mind is such a cool thing. It's really hard to describe. I suppose you could compare it to being in a really close relationship, the kind where you finish eachothers sentences. Except in improv you are connected on this level with like a dozen other people. That's the kind of thing I'm looking for in Chicago. People to connect with.

"Cuz blue eyes... I just want to sing a song with you!" I lost my Garden State Soundtrack CD a few weeks ago. Luckily I happened to copy it onto my computer. I just hooked up my mom's monitor to my computer so I could burn the CD. Then I put the new CD in my CD player and it started skipping like crazy. "So what if you catch me? Where would we land?" So now I have it on the stereo in my room turned up really loud so I can hear it where the computer is living temporarily. This is the technology issues I've been having tongiht.

Listing to that CD makes me wish I wasn't a robot with no capacity for emotion. Emotion is too scary. Being a real girl is too scary. When I was younger I was always emotional. It brought me nothing but trouble. Emotions never solve anything. I never liked rollercoasters either. It's not that I have a fear of falling... it's the landing part that really freaks me out.

The problem is my depression. See the tricky thing is I do have emotions... but if I give in to them everything will fall apart. I'm surprised that things have been going so well for so long. The other night I had an anxiety attack and stayed up all night applying for health insurance. Not only because I had convinced myself that I was having a mild heart attack, but because I really need to get my hands on some Zoloft. Going to the gym a few times a week has helped me sleep at night. My favorite therapist of all the therapists I had over the years told me that regular exercize would be the only way I would be happy without medication - its all about getting the right chemicals floating around in the brain.

So in general I am happy, but the days are getting shorter and listening to this CD always makes me wish I was in love. So that makes me sad, but in a day-dreamy girly kind of way. "Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where."

I'm in a wierd place. I don't have a normal job, and no classmates. I worry that when I call people to hang out I sound desparate. It's only because I don't want to get lost and forgotten.

"When you are out there on the road, for several weeks of shows and when you scan the radio I hope this song will guide you home. They will see us waving from such great heights, come down now they'll say. But everything looks perfect from far away, come down now, but we'll stay."

I tell people about what I'm doing with my life and my plans and what comes out of my mouth sounds pretty cool. Inside I still think of myself as the irresponsible teenager that can't get her biology homework done to save her life. I fall asleep with my head in my textbook wondering why the boys don't like me. Ten years later I wish I could just wake up, get the damn work done and stop blaming the boys.