Welcome to todays procrastination. Right now I am going to make myself late for the wedding of my best friend from High School. I hate weddings. First of all I believe I am inherently incapable of getting married myself. Thus I am bitter. Secondly I will see people I haven't seen since 50 lbs ago. eww. no fun. When you lose weight people always say something. And it is considered a compliment. Nobody knows if it was because you worked hard, ate right, and exercised, or if you made yourself vomit 3 times a day, or if its from your newfound love of heroine or coke, or you're on chemo. They don't care why! Losing weight is a positive thing! Yeah! But when you gain weight. There is an uncomfortable silence. Nobody talks about it. Everyone pretends not to notice. But logically speaking. If they notice one persons weight loss, wouldn't they equally notice anothers weight gain? Nooooooo.

And they equally don't ask why. I don't think they'd like the answer.

It's not appropriate to talk about being clinically depressed when we were younger... especially at this wedding.

I was talking to a friend at work about the irony of Nancy being the first of my gang to settle down in a functional relationship, and she said that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to enable ourselves to embrace life and establish normalcy. Maybe swimming upstream was the wrong way to go. Maybe if I had let go and hit rock bottom with her, maybe I would be getting married today. She got to experience a catharsis and I'm still waiting for my life to start.

Of course things have gotten a lot better since then. But just not exactly how I wanted.