Nancy was definitely not the first of my close friends to get married. I've had several friends get married in the past 10 years, but for some reason this kinda hit me more. Maybe because she wasn't one of those marriage-minded girls. You know the types. The one's who are out on the prowl to trap a man. The ones with scrapbooks entirely filled with bridal magazine clippings before they even meet the guy. I knew her way back when we talked about boys and how stupid they are. Then all of a sudden I'm sitting in a church, with flowers everywhere and there she is in a floor-length wedding dress and a veil, just like little girls are taught to want. Looking like any little girl would hope to look on her wedding day. She actually got her "happily ever after". And I'm sitting there saying to myself, "You're going to be 30 in 2 years and you can't even pay your own bills."

Maybe I had a pang of regret too... perhaps if I could have made an extra phone call or two over the years I could have been in the running for one of those bridesmaid dresses. But no, we needed our time apart. Things have turned out better since we have grown in our own directions. Most people from highschool/early college haven't even bothered to invite me to their weddings so I'm grateful to even be there at all. We never went for more than a year without having at least an email conversation so we have moderately kept in touch.

Why do they say, "always the bridesmaid, never the bride?" I've never been a bridesmaid and I'm still never the bride. I think it might be because whever my friends get into serious relationships they stop hanging out with me. Don't you hate that? "Guess what? I have a boyfriend! We are hanging out with each other every night from here to eternity! You can come if you want to be a third wheel!" Or worse is when my platonic male friends find girlfriends all I hear then is, "ring... ring... ring... You have reached the voicemail of..." The girlfriend slowly extracts me from the equation. bit by bit. till I am left... friendless... then 3 or 4 years later... oops we got married and the girlfriend was in charge of the invitation list... and it's on to a new chapter in the life of the wandering Meegs... If you don't make an effort at maintaining contact with me I'm going to take that as a sign that I'm not important to you. I've been saying that for years I know, but at this crossroads in my life I really mean it. I'm a flake. I lose things. I forget things. I don't want to lose or forget you.