All this damn wedding talk has taken the chameleons of capitalism on a sad and lonely journey to a realm of depression and madness. Lets talk about something that you guys would want to click on. Hmmm... what would get readers of my blog excited?

Looking the secret blog data... it seems that my blog was most popular in the past year when the following three things were mentioned:

• Scooters
• Improv
• Dog Poop Calendar

Statistics do not lie folks.

YOU did this to me.

So now I'm going to improvise a little story about a dog named "Poo"

Once upon a time there was a little dog named Poo. Poo was a schnauser. He looked a little like the pictures of Otto Von Bismark that you see in your history books in second grade. Except he had more fur and was only about a foot tall. Poo, or Otto as his friends called him, was a very special dog. He liked to drive. Since he was only a little dog, he could not be given a real drivers liscense so the District of Columbia Department of Motor Vehicles issued Poo a special scooter permit for the mini-Vespa that his sugar momma, Lila, had given him for his 3rd birthday (that's 21 in dog years). Poo LOVED his Vespa scooter. On sunny days in June you could always see Poo, zipping along, with his little Bismark mustache flitting in the breeze. The Vespa was powder blue, to match his favorite collar with the nameplate that said, "BITCH" in bold rhinestone letters. By now you may have assessed that Poo was gay. Of course there's nothing wrong with that. Lila was not phazed. Lila still loved Poo and showered him with gifts and attention and girly doggy clothes for him to play dress up in. Poo didn't mind wearing the stupid outfits because, hey, he got a free Vespa scooter out of the deal.

One day Poo was hanging out with his other doggy friends from the block. A shifty little weiner dog named Mr. Jingles came up and offered the pack of housepets some catnip. Now Poo might be gay, but he was not a druggie. Unfortunately most of his friends were Labradors... they eagerly caught the catnip that Mr. Jingles was tossing. Poo, being a 21 year old, homosexual schnauser was afraid of being ostracised by his friends, and so succombed to peer pressure and dipped the nip with his large slobbery friends. Now everyone knows that Labradors cannot handle their highs... soon they were in the street chasing cars and giggling like a bunch of idiot mutts. Poo couldn't keep up, so unfortunately he got on his scooter and rode along with them. We've all seen the videos in Drivers Ed. Poo should have known better. Poo was sideswiped by a Beagle on a bike. Poo survived... barely. The Beagle was not so lucky...

When Lila got to the doggy hospital, she was just glad that Poo was ok. His scooter liscense was revoked, but Poo didn't fight it. He had been a bad puppy. He quit that bad Lab gang... and became a police dog. Its a tough job, but he looks at his former friends wasting their lives... and feels satisfied with this new future. That little gay schnauser is proud to take a bite out of crime.