I'm not really gone until Thursday so I don't want to take down the posters or put the TV in the box because I WILL be here. But not that much I guess. Its such a tough decision. Last year I decided on keeping the hominess up until the last minute and that was a bad idea. I suppose I should make my walls hospital white as soon as possible so I don't leave half my shizznit in my room like last year.

Oh yeah, and I found out that my grandma went to the hospital last night. So that sucks. I'm going to visit her today. I heard it's a hip thing, but she doesn't like to be slowed down like that so it's probably pretty hard on her. Could ya please give her a moment of your prayers? Or to my theatre peeps... think happy thoughts.

I don't want to go home. Being at Mason has been like some kind of crazy dream. Like I've been in a coma or something. Now it's time to wake up and go back to work at Mt. Vernon in the morning. I hope my uniform is clean. I wonder if when I wake up I will be back to the time when I was driving the Reliant K with the broken power steering and the flies in the trunk and it was easier to bike to work. It was nice that I got to dream about being an actress. It's too bad I can't do that when I'm awake. That was cool. And I met all these crazy people in my dream... I can't begin to describe them all... but they've been great. Maybe I'll dream about them again. I'm not ready to wake up. I think I should take some Nyquil and lay back down in my dirty little purple dream dorm bed so I don't have to go back to that life that I hated so much.

To my dream friends... don't let me lose touch way out in Mt. Vernon... please. I don't want to be like that again. I may look like I've changed since then, but it's all an act. On the inside I'm still scared and lonely.

Papers and Finals and 10 hour rehearsals are tough... but they were the best vacation from clinical depression a girl could ever hope for.

Please don't let me go. My worst fear is to slip away again.

please?