It has to be me...
I mean... if I'm feeling this way about so many people, then it has to have originiated with me. But why? What is this vibe I'm giving out?
There's something I REALLY need to vent about, but I can't do it here. I'm going to have to start a secret blog. or maybe just an old fashioned journal?
I think I've been unintentionally hurt by somebody, but I'm not really sure. I don't know if I should be irritated or if the problem started with me. And I should address it, but I don't know if it would be helpful to address? Because I don't really know how to define why I'm hurt. I think I need to let it simmer so I can think it through.
I think in general, in an immediate gut place, I feel homesick. I feel overworked. I feel left out. I feel disconnected from the world. I feel like a bizarre novelty that people show their friends. I feel like a cautionary tale. I feel like my friends hardly know me and I'm sharing my deepest thoughts with any stranger who pauses for breath long enough to let me open up. I feel like I'm not worth the effort. I feel like my life is boring. I feel lost. I feel like my lunch hour is too short because I have so much more to say.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm in the right place. This is definitely where I'm supposed to be. I'm just beginning to think I need to let go of certain things I've been holding on to, and focus my priorities on things I've discovered that make me happy.
and i need to learn how to open up and communicate with live people
I mean... if I'm feeling this way about so many people, then it has to have originiated with me. But why? What is this vibe I'm giving out?
There's something I REALLY need to vent about, but I can't do it here. I'm going to have to start a secret blog. or maybe just an old fashioned journal?
I think I've been unintentionally hurt by somebody, but I'm not really sure. I don't know if I should be irritated or if the problem started with me. And I should address it, but I don't know if it would be helpful to address? Because I don't really know how to define why I'm hurt. I think I need to let it simmer so I can think it through.
I think in general, in an immediate gut place, I feel homesick. I feel overworked. I feel left out. I feel disconnected from the world. I feel like a bizarre novelty that people show their friends. I feel like a cautionary tale. I feel like my friends hardly know me and I'm sharing my deepest thoughts with any stranger who pauses for breath long enough to let me open up. I feel like I'm not worth the effort. I feel like my life is boring. I feel lost. I feel like my lunch hour is too short because I have so much more to say.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm in the right place. This is definitely where I'm supposed to be. I'm just beginning to think I need to let go of certain things I've been holding on to, and focus my priorities on things I've discovered that make me happy.
and i need to learn how to open up and communicate with live people
posted by Meegs @ 12/29/2005 01:53:00 PM
1 Comments:
At December 29, 2005 2:40 PM,
Danni said…
Hey, I've been there! Try Zoloft, works wonders.
J/K!!
Seriously, first of all, you have probably the most UN-boring life of anyone I know. But I know what you mean about holding on to things - in my case I was holding on to things until I realized that they didn't make me happy anymore. It's like a whole new world when you can finally let go, though. And it's not that whatever you were holding onto is lost forever, it's just not foremost in your life anymore. In my case, letting go was the best thing I ever did, although I surely didn't think so at the time.
Anyhow - it's not about me - do what makes you happy. If you're happy, the people around you will see it and respond, even if they don't realize it. Just my opinion, though - I could be completely wrong.
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